Clinton Eventually Pays St. Peter A Visit .... Yeah, I know BUT it's still funny.

"And who are you ?" asks St. Peter.

"Why, it's me, Bill Clinton, The Big Dawg and formerly the President of The United States and Leader of the Free World."

"What can I do for you", asks St. Peter.

"Well, seeing as I'm here, I'd like to come in to the Big House.", replies Clinton.

"Sure, sure.", says St. Peter. "But first you have to confess your sins."

Clinton bites his lip and answers: "Well, I tried Marijuana, but I didn't inhale so you really couldn't say I actually used drugs illegally."

"There were inappropriate extramarital affairs, but I didn't have full sexual relations so you really couldn't say I was an adulterer."

"And from time to time I made misleading statements, but they didn't meet the legal standard of perjury, so you really couldn't call it "bearing false witness".

"Ok, here's the deal, Bill." declares St. Peter.

"We'll send you somewhere it's Hot .... but we won't call it Hell."

"You'll be there Indefinitely .... but we won't say it's for Eternity."

"And when you arrive, you don't have to abandon all Hope ... just don't hold your breath waiting for it to Freeze Over !"

When I get to Heaven .....

A prominent Washington politician dies and stands before St. Peter. While awaiting judgment he sees a staggering number of wall clocks; each with a name. His own shows the hands at quarter to 11:00.

The politician asks St. Peter what the clocks are about and St. Peter says, “They’re called “Liar’s Clocks” and each person has one. We use them”, he explains, “to help decide whether a person goes to Hell or Heaven.”.

“How much the hands advance is determined by how frequently you lied and how significant the lies were. That’s Mother Teresa’s clock and the hands have never moved. Yours on the other hand is about typical for a politician.”

Curious, the politician says, “I don’t see Obama’s clock, where’s his?”

“Oh, that one,” says St. Peter, “is in another office.....Jesus is using it as a ceiling fan !!!”.

Liberals have really gotten creative of late, twisting themselves into rhetorical and intellectual pretzels in their efforts to downplay and dismiss Obama’s monumental penchant for deception.

But Obama himself shows what a load of BS their explanations are. The unvarnished truth is and has been - Obama lies by design and for effect !

“I serve as a blank screen on which people of vastly different stripes project their own views. As such, I am bound to disappoint some, if, not all of them.” – Barack Obama, The Economist interview - Aug 23rd 2008

Yeah, right...of course, it's their fault anyway !!! ... No really, we understand, you couldn’t have ever possibly said anything that would have appealed to, or falsely encouraged their expectations.

If you have your health .... You have everything !

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. 

Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and into a shop. I was only there for about 5 minutes, and when I came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.  

I said to him, “Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break”? He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.

I called him a “Jackass”. He glared at me and wrote another ticket for worn tires.  

So I called him a “Doughnut Eating Pig.”   He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. 

Then he wrote a third ticket. 

The more I verbally abused him the more tickets he wrote.  This went on for about 20 minutes.  

Personally, I didn't care. 

I'm retired and don't own a car - I came downtown on the bus.   

The car he was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said, “I LUV OBAMA !".

How do I spend my time these days now that I'm retired ???

I try to have a little fun each day.

My doctor says it's important for my health !